Whoever knows self is worth more than the world.
—The Gospel of Thomas, Saying 110
I spent many years trying to figure out who exactly I am. Part of the confusion came from a religious background that did not provide me with a framework to find out who I was. However, after asking some deep questions for years, I felt ready to finish my education and become what I was called to be. I now understand that the search for the mystery in one’s self can open up the whole universe inside you. What is placed before you is an image representing that self.
Who am I? There are many adjectives that can describe me. Witty. Smart. Quirky. Generous. Gentle. Child-like. Compassionate.
I am always thinking. I am restless. I am a daydreamer. I have felt that a boring life is no life at all; this has been my mantra. I am a pilgrim on the way to beauty.
I am captivated by beauty, the dance of beauty. Really, this natural world is a dance; a delicate dance of trees bending, tender green blades of grass, and the cool embrace of water.
My religious upbringing would have taught me that life could be analyzed according to a set of doctrines. I believe nature’s doctrine has fewer words. Nature’s doctrine teaches me to love with its simple doctrine: When a human being loves all of life unconditionally, that person will receive love in return.
If I choose to be vulnerable and love another human being in a relationship, I connect to that source. Love is my beginning and end. Love is my source and destination.
I have come to realize now that it’s not as important what others believe. Instead, my personal beliefs are more important, and most of all I should believe in myself. e. e. cummings eloquently described being yourself as a battle: “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
Often others measure their success by material wealth. I have another model of success: I see life on earth as a tremendous gift. Every day we are surrounded by beauty. How I view success in my life is not by what I take in, but what I give. While at times giving has a material aspect, giving is much more than that. Within you is all the beauty of the universe. The greatest gift you can give is to let Beauty move through you.